Sunday Afternoon Tears
Starting next week until Christmas, I will be blogging along Advent themes so I thought this would be a good week to update you on my "Sunday Afternoon Blues" (see September 22) as promised.
First, I need to be honest and admit that I didn't get around to copying the prayer I wrote and taking it into the car with me. Instead, the drive home served as a prompt to pray through the transition from church. So, what happened? I'm grateful to report that I was less irritable and that by God's grace, I was more diligent to attend to my needs for food, a tidy house, alone time, time with others, and rest.
The most surprising thing for me has been how frequently I cry on Sunday afternoons. For some reason, Sundays are my day to grieve. (I suspect that part of my anger/agitation has been desiring to grieve but not having the emotional space or time to do it and being frustrated about that.)
What am I grieving? Different things: my own sinfulness, the personal losses and disappointments of life (mine and others), that the church isn't what she could be, the sorrows of a lost and hurting world, the reality that I must wait for the kingdom of God to come, etc. Sometimes they are tears of joy and thankfulness: for the beauty of kindness, creation, redemption, answered prayer, etc.
I need more insight into why Sabbath is a time to grieve for me. But it is - at least right now seems to be "a time to weep" (Eccl.3:4). The way it became evident to me was on Thanksgiving Sunday as I was watching "Extreme Home Makeover" at my in-laws and the tears started to flow as the family saw their new home. "Ahh!" I thought, "Whatever is the basis of my Sunday afternoon blues, these tears are part of the solution." It felt very good to cry. So now, when I feel my anger rising, I ask myself if there is anything I'm sad about and see what comes up. It's an interesting process and I look forward to see what happens next.
First, I need to be honest and admit that I didn't get around to copying the prayer I wrote and taking it into the car with me. Instead, the drive home served as a prompt to pray through the transition from church. So, what happened? I'm grateful to report that I was less irritable and that by God's grace, I was more diligent to attend to my needs for food, a tidy house, alone time, time with others, and rest.
The most surprising thing for me has been how frequently I cry on Sunday afternoons. For some reason, Sundays are my day to grieve. (I suspect that part of my anger/agitation has been desiring to grieve but not having the emotional space or time to do it and being frustrated about that.)
What am I grieving? Different things: my own sinfulness, the personal losses and disappointments of life (mine and others), that the church isn't what she could be, the sorrows of a lost and hurting world, the reality that I must wait for the kingdom of God to come, etc. Sometimes they are tears of joy and thankfulness: for the beauty of kindness, creation, redemption, answered prayer, etc.
I need more insight into why Sabbath is a time to grieve for me. But it is - at least right now seems to be "a time to weep" (Eccl.3:4). The way it became evident to me was on Thanksgiving Sunday as I was watching "Extreme Home Makeover" at my in-laws and the tears started to flow as the family saw their new home. "Ahh!" I thought, "Whatever is the basis of my Sunday afternoon blues, these tears are part of the solution." It felt very good to cry. So now, when I feel my anger rising, I ask myself if there is anything I'm sad about and see what comes up. It's an interesting process and I look forward to see what happens next.
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